We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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