Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he thought i was a dude.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
