That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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