i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
