What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
