Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
