Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
