At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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