Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
