She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
