is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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