Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
