My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
