I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
