dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
