i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
