were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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