I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
