I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
