Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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