he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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