turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize