No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
