I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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