i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
