I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
