I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
