I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i think my cat just said my name.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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