I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
