There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she woke up with a sticky ear
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
