I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
