census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
