I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
