a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize