wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
