ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
