A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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