I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
