why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
