you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
