haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
