I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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