Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
