dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
