i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
