so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
