you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
