you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize