Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
