I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I die, sorry about rent.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
