No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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