these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to make out with him forever
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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