Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
