Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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