just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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