16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
