On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
