she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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