She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
