Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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