Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We're not piercing ourselves today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
