My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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