Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize