if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
