Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
