take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
