Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
