I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dicks are not precious.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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