just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's blow job season.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
