my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
