Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize