Please, let me fuck your mom
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
