I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
