Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
