The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
