lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
