Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
