Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
