I bet he comes in French.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
