He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
