Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
