how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
