Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
