He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
