3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
