dude i'm inner monologue high
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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