I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
