I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
