Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
