My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
