Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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