My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
