Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
