We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize