and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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