OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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