the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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