I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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