evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
