forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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